Bereavement
by HippoPoo
Summary: AU - "Jeremy was alone. He was mostly always alone now." - A glimpse of a possible future for Jeremy Gilbert had circumstances in 4x03 played out differently - Set 36 years after time of episode - One shot.


Jeremy Gilbert sat on his sister's bed, looking at the photographs on her dressing table, photographs taken a lifetime ago. Everyone was in at least one of them; his parents, Aunt Jenna, Alaric and of course,_ Elena_. He knew that Elena would always look the same as she did in these photos, never altering, frozen in time. But he pushed the thought aside; he liked to think of scenarios different to the one that was reality, ones where if a photo was taken of her 20 years from now she would have grey hair and wrinkles. Or that there could never be anymore photos of her, even thinking that his sister was dead was more comforting than thinking about what she had become.

Jeremy was alone. He was mostly always alone now. Everyone featured in the photos had left him, most of them he could not blame, you can't control when you die. But Elena was different, he always thought that they would stick together, never leave by choice; he thought that they needed one another. In truth, he still needed her. Despite everything, she was all the family he had. But right now, he had no family.

Jeremy hadn't seen his sister in 36 years; over half of his life, but that amount of time was a mere millisecond for his sister now, what is 36 years when you have a never ending supply of them? It was strange to think that Elena was the elder sibling when all physical evidence suggested otherwise, but that didn't change the fact that she had been on the Earth longer, and that she would be on it far, far longer than her younger brother would be. That was also strange for Jeremy, for some reason people always have it programmed into their minds that someone who is older than themselves will die first. It couldn't be farther from the truth when it came to Jeremy and Elena.

He had never entered this room in those 36 years; it was the first time seeing this familiar sight in what felt like forever. He thought it would be more difficult than it was, he thought he would break down or even become angry, he never expected the _numbness_. It was as if someone had sucked all of the emotion out of him and left him as an empty void. But his emotions always surprised him when it came to Elena. He should hate her for leaving him, yet he did not. He knew deep down that she would not have been able to cope with what she had done. If he was her, he wouldn't be able to cope either, so he could not blame her for turning her humanity off. But if he didn't hate her for leaving, he should feel some kind of hatred towards her for taking away his best friend. Yet he couldn't bring himself to feel it. All he felt when he thought about her was loneliness and loss, and above all, a longing for her to return. He could not blame her for anything.

He blamed Damon Salvatore.

The older Salvatore had left immediately after the explosion at the hospital – with the belief that the hunter was dead and Elena was content with Stefan, off he went. As soon as Jeremy had learnt that Elena could only have human blood from the vein he knew that Elena desperately needed to control her blood lust so that she could feed without putting the human in danger. Jeremy also knew that any attempts to get help at controlling blood lust from Stefan would be futile. The fact of the matter was that Stefan couldn't control it himself, let alone teach someone else too._ With him it was all or nothing; ripper or rabbits _thought Jeremy. Stefan needed to learn control as much as Elena needed too, and Damon was meant to be the one to teach them that, he had blood lust control mastered for over 100 years. Had Damon been there for Elena, Elena would still be here for Jeremy. She wouldn't have lost control.

She wouldn't have taken too much blood from Matt Donovan. She wouldn't have killed him.

The scene of the crime would forever be etched into Jeremy's memory as a permanent internal scar. Walking into his kitchen that day, he was convinced he was in a dream. The Elena he knew could never do something like this, however the newly transitioned vampire could. The vampire side of the girl had gone now; all that was left was a person full of self disgust, her face a mass of tears, and her body still shaking with silent sobs. She was pressed into the corner of the room as if she was trying to sink into the walls, she'd gotten as far away from the body as possible before she was consumed with the harsh reality of what she had done, before she was overcome with the horror and unable to do anything else but feel the heightened emotion of complete and utter self loathing. Jeremy had still not decided what sight was worse; seeing his older sister in that state or seeing Matt sprawled across the floor with his face drained of all colour, clearly not breathing, and with dried blood around two puncture marks on his wrist. It was obvious what had happened as soon Jeremy saw it.

But as soon as Elena saw Jeremy, something had triggered inside of her, it was as if someone else other than her witnessing it, especially when it was her brother, had suddenly made her realise that it was impossible for her to hide from what she had done. Elena had run upstairs before he had had the chance to blink. Once Jeremy had got up there, she was gone. As was her humanity, the switch was set to off. He hadn't known this at the time, Stefan had let him know before leaving to try and stop her. Thirty six years and he still hadn't managed it. The problem wasn't finding her; that was never hard, she left bodies as breadcrumbs. The issue was catching her. Human blood made her faster than Stefan and his animal intake. Well, that's what Jeremy had found out from Stefan 34 years ago, he hadn't had any information since then, he had no clue where his sister was, or what her condition was like now. He assumed it was the same since she hadn't returned. He assumed that it would always be the same.

His sister was a female ripper, but unlike Stefan she did not put the bodies back together. She felt no guilt after each meal; she would feel all of her guilt in one crushing weight once the humanity switch was finally turned back on. It physically hurt Jeremy to think of what would happen to Elena if that happened, she would never survive it. And if she did, she would need Damon.

Jeremy had never thought over how unjust it was to only blame Damon for this mess until that moment. Elena had hurt him more than enough, why should he have put himself through any more of it? Stefan was the one who was supposedly helping Elena, she had chosen that. Now that Jeremy thought about it, Stefan should have never let Elena feed from Matt without being there, it seemed obvious that something like that could have happened, Stefan should have known that more than anyone. And Damon must have known that Elena would need him, he defiantly knew Stefan was a hopeless teacher when it came to human blood... But Caroline wasn't, she could have been teaching Elena rather than Damon; who couldn't take anymore heartbreak. Just like Elena couldn't take killing Matt. Matt had known how dangerous vampires are; he should have been more prepared. Then again, every other time Elena had feed off of him had been fine; Elena shouldn't have let her hatred towards Rebekah overpower her, although, without being taught control, how could she have? Finally, Jeremy thought that he should have reacted quicker upon entering the scene; he should have provided some sort of distraction before she turned off her humanity, but then again, how could he have been faster than a vampire?

The more Jeremy thought about it, the more Jeremy saw that it was everyone's and no one's fault. And quite frankly, he no longer cared, it just was. Furthermore everyone was now gone, and he had come to accept that. All of them chasing Elena, he would be too if there was any point to it, which there wasn't when he would be slowed down with age, whereas the others had an eternity. And it would probably take an eternity to get her back, so Jeremy had decided not to follow the chase. Elena wouldn't have wanted him to waste his short life on her. There was nothing he could do to change the circumstances, what could he do that the others weren't already? He had accepted the fact that he would probably never see any of his supernatural friends again. And no matter how much he wanted it to be otherwise, he had come to the conclusion that Elena would not return in his lifetime, that she would never return. He still had Bonnie though, and that had been enough so far.

Jeremy then noticed that amongst the photographs was a piece of paper with Elena's writing on it. He walked over to it, curiosity pulling him forward. The letter was addressed to him.

'_Jeremy,_

_I can feel myself slipping away so I had to do this before I was gone._

_I'm so sorry. I promise you that I will see you again before it's too late to,_

_I think that if I didn't it would cause me more guilt than any of the bodies I leave behind will._

_Please be waiting and believe that I haven't left you, not for good. _

_Elena'_

The ink was blotched in places due to tears, and Elena had clearly written it in a hurry, it must have been the reason she had come upstairs before fleeing. The few words were all it took for the numbness Jeremy felt to crash down around him like walls. He was suddenly in the mindset Elena had been after killing Matt; sobbing and guilty. Guilty for not believing he would see her again. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting on the floor in a heap when he heard it.

"_Jer...?" _

He was positive he was imaging it, he had finally gone insane and could no longer cope with the loss, the letter had tipped him over the edge and he was now hearing her. But, when he looked up there she was, standing in the doorway. She looked the same as she had the last time she had seen him as expected. All apart from her eyes. They didn't seem as bright as before, grief had replaced the sparkle that could have previously been found within them, however upon seeing her baby brother a little bit of that light seemed to come alive again after so long. Like Jeremy had found Elena a mess of tears 36 years ago was how Elena found Jeremy now. This time, a long awaited family reunion instead of a separation.

* * *

_a/n - soz for the length of this. But yeah, I tend to ramble and add a bunch when I go over it. I literally write w/e comes into my head. Which is mostly poo. SOZ AGAIN. But I just felt the need to do this as soon as I thought about it even if I wouldn't like the outcome. r&r if you wanttttt ...please?_


End file.
